Verbal abuse can invade minds and wound hearts.

Verbal abuse can tarnish a person's emotions and integrity as much as physical abuse does. You will not see the injury in obvious ways since she suffers inside most of the time. But over a period of time when verbal attacks are continuously made the victim will show it in her lackadaisical attitude and personality.

Verbal abuse comes in the form of sarcasm, criticism, mockery or abusive language. The abuser may do it intentionally when his rules are not met and does not get things according to his terms. Or he may make fun to show his disgust. His ultimate motive is to gain control and show his superiority.

Dominant parents, husbands, caretakers or employers who have developed the habit of blaming or putting people down are most likely to push others around with their words and tones of voice.

Children will do what they are told to do because of fear. They will learn to accept that the harsh words used on them are to discipline their behaviors. And these unfortunate individuals will grow into adulthood with timidity and shy away from people and opportunities.

Wives who try to avoid verbal conflicts that could lead to physical abuse will allow their husbands to continue throwing unjust remarks on them. They become recluse and withdrawn when they can't fight back and express their anger from the humiliation.

Unlike children, adults can choose to get rid of the temperamental and dominant people from their lives. However, most continue to allow these individuals to control and push them around, belittling their capabilities and humiliating their sense of self.

They do not possess enough courage to face up and admit that they are worthy people. When they begin to believe the words that they hear are true, they lives will revolve around those opinions.

If you think that you have been unfairly treated with verbal abuse and need to walk out or correct the situation you can try a few suggestions here.

• Share your insecurities, goals and dreams with someone else who is impartial. Open up and ask for guidance. Seek help to overcome your timidity and to handle the insults.

• List your strengths and capabilities. Take note of your likes and dislikes. Picture the benefits of gaining control over your life. Look at the disadvantages of continuing to have people pushing you around.
• Learn to express your opinions and speak your thoughts assertively. You are a worthy person who has creative thoughts and ideas to share too. When you allow others to insult you and dictate your emotions and your life, you lose your independence.
• Break the blocks of your past memories of childhood. You are allowing the verbal abuse on you because of the need to look up on an authority figure for approval, control and security.
• The best thing to do is to work on your personal growth. You may be attracting those people into your life without you realizing it. Make a firm decision to enhance your attitude, your self-esteem and your personality.

Let go of those memories and the needs to obey and fit in. Have the courage to design a more empowering life.

A self-help tool that you can use is the Silva Method. In one of the modules, you will be guided to speak to the child you who is still taking control of your life.

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