How to deal with your temper.

Do you need help to deal with your temper? If you easily get into a rage or violent outburst, if it is your common expression or reaction to a situation or person, then you do need to do something about it.

Most of the time you may justify by saying that someone or a situation provoked you. Do you know that it isn't so? There is something inside you that is the real cause of the problem?

Try to recall the last time that you got into a rage. What was your state of mind then? Did you feel that your life was out of control? Were you frustrated? Did you feel defeated about something? Whatever it was that triggered your temper then was just an excuse.

If you are serious and want to control your temper and manage your anger, try these few tips.

• Become aware of what's going on in your head.

Would you care to pause for a while and become aware of your state of mind? What is going on in your head right now? And when your anger was flaring, what were you seeing and hearing in your head?

Becoming aware of your thoughts is a good starting point. Try your best to pause for a while and look inside when you sense the rage coming. In a way, you are postponing your outburst. And if you do this often enough, you will train your mind to react differently until it becomes automatic.

• Journal it.

At the end of your day, write down your activities, various state of emotions and reactions. How many states of emotions did you experience? What made you happy, sad, angry, or inspired?

This activity will assist you in seeing the triggers that cause you to react to a situation or person. When you can see and understand yourself, other people and situations better, you may recognize the problem and work out a solution.

• Have regards for yourself.

Have do you feel after throwing your tantrums? Do you feel ashamed, more angry with yourself and feeling sorry afterwards? Why do you have to punish yourself?

You don't deserve to feel all of these or other feelings that make you feel upset. Never mind what happens, you deserve to feel happy. The way to do it is not to allow events, people and situations to cause you to react in a manner that makes you lose your autonomy. Don't take everything personally. Allow people to be what they are.

• Will you please listen.

Can you just listen. Don't interrupt. Don't probe. Take 3 deep breaths, keep your mouth shut, put your body in a relaxed state and open your heart.

Now, when you are in this state, do you think your temper will flare? Try it.

• Find another alternative to express.

Have you been doing any physical activity? Why don't you start one that you enjoy and do it consistently. Go jogging or play some games that involves your physique like tennis, swimming, etc.

You need to let go off your bottled up emotions in a positive manner. Get a life, lots of laughter and plenty of loving. You can't have anger if there is plenty of joy in you. It's all about making the right choice and thinking in the right manner.

• Picture and affirm it.

If you really want to change, you will put in the efforts and won't stop until you improve. The tools for personal growth and change are within you.

Whenever you see yourself reacting angrily, change the picture in your head. See yourself as a composed and calm person in a situation, which you normally would go berserk. Repeat the picture and do it consistently so that it will override the image of the old you.

At the same time, affirm to yourself that you choose to become a patient, calm and composed person. Feel how it would feel like if you become the person you aspire to be.

• Using hypnosis.

You can also use hypnosis as an option to manage your anger. Hypnosis will put you into a deep meditative state of mind. During this state of awareness, you can give your mind new instructions to allow you to become a better person and develop new habits.

• See an anger management counselor.

If you have tried everything on your own and and you are still unable to deal with your temper, and especially if you get into violent outbursts and hurt yourself or others, go and get help from a counselor.

Return to top of temper page.