by whizzdoom
(newzealand)
The opposite of self acceptance is self rejection. It is more than debilitating. It is fatal living or more like being a living dead.
I think it is worse than the non-living dead.
I personally have endured decades of self rejection to an extent I have committed spiritual suicide several times. And there's nothing worse than dying several times over and over and never really die.
What makes self rejection even more evil is that no matter how much we reject ourselves we can never totally destroy the core in us which craves to be loved and respected. So in effect we live a yo-yo life; life of up's and downs.
I actually discovered self acceptance recently. I mean I have heard of it before but it never really sank in. I have endured years of self rejection which started when i was very young at primary level.
I have always been of a slim built,or skinny to put it bluntly. So kids in my school years used to pick on me(which is not even a phenomenon. It happened everyday and everywhere.
But I cant really pinpoint why I reacted the way I did. I guess it's just like a fat girl being picked upon.
I developed feelings of inadequacy which grew in my mind. I became ashamed of myself and practiced self loathing.
I carried these guilt feelings until I grew up and by that time I was gaining weight but I still felt thin to an extent I would stuff my pants with extra clothing or newspapers, whatever I could lay my hands on even on the hottest day
I would rather don a full winter tracksuit to disguise myself. I literary rejected myself and in rejecting myself I gave power to other human beings to dictate how my day should be.
The amazing power of all this is when I meet the same people who used to pick on me they hardly remember picking on me and yet I still battle calcified emotions of inadequacy created by those early taunts.
The frightening power behind what starts as harmless self consciousness, and I mean in a negative way, translates and metamorphoses into every fiber of my existence.
I am beginning to learn why I developed bad habits and tried to fight them without success. I'm beginning to learn why I have never developed healthy relations with anyone including God.
It is all because I rejected Myself so how could I accept anyone? Or how could I ever do good to myself when I was a reject?
I am slowly beginning to seek self acceptance and yes I will learn to love myself.
Thank you All