My Life Or Is It
by Saba Mustafa
(England, Manchester. )
Well, I'm a 12 yr old girl, and I don't know what to do with ANYTHING.
Since I was born, I've never ever had any good turn in my life.
First, I never was welcomed like a daughter in my family. My mum had a daughter, then a son, and another son, then a daughter, then 5 more sons, then me.
The youngest of all, and with 9 other siblings, I didn't know how much of a bad cause I could be.
The eldest daughter was loved more than anything. And when she grew up, and moved to New Zealand, I was heart broken, at only the age of 5, I'd just lost my one sister I could count on.
At the age of 6, a huge argument happened, because of my second sister getting a divorce with her husband. I knew I hated him more and more each day, and it just happened to be that I was never allowed to see my 1st uncles and aunties and cousins, only one half though.
I didn't have ANYBODY to talk to, as I always could laugh and talk to my cousin 1 year younger than me. I still love her like my own sister, but she hates me.
After all that, my dad kept on seeing his brother (my uncle) but we were never allowed to see anyone of them.
In primary school, year 4, I was only 9, when I went to New Zealand, to visit my sister for 2 months. Well, as I said at the start, I've never had any good luck, it couldn't have got worse for me there as I wished to believe. Just I probably jinxed myself when I said that. Because it did get worse.
As I started high school, I couldn't concentrate at all, I couldn't do anything well, apart from designing clothes (mostly dresses) and art. I was awful at anything else.
When my dad asked me what I wanted to be, I naturally said,"A fashion designer or artist dad." He disagreed, and said I'd have to be a doctor. My dreams were shattered, and I was left empty, No family, No Dream, Nothing.
I was brought up around 7 boys, so I'm actually a Tomboy. Or as I'm accused of being, a Chav. My brothers all split up, and my sisters grew with hate pouring between them.
I was left in the middle of everything, i was physically abused by my brothers, who hit me, and said to me that I was never wanted. I've come up to this day, always believing that.
When my dad went into hospital for a triple heart bypass, I was 10, and I wished I could walk away from home once and forever, but I didn't want to leave and put anymore pain upon my family.
I didn't care about me, even after my dad fully recovered, though I was still beaten by my mother, sister, brothers, and dad, I just wanted a family again. I begged and begged each night before bed, to whoever up there, but never once did the slightest thing go good.
I'm an aunty of 2 sons of my sister's and 1 son of my brothers, I just don't want anything to go wrong anymore.
In High school, yr 8, I kept on getting detentions, and kept having to go to the isolation room, week after week after week. Now all I can do, is hope. But I've made up my mind, I'll leave home as soon as hit 14.
On the 18th February, I'm 13, and like any other year, I won't be allowed to be happy, I'll just do the normal, house chores, and when angry, punch walls, bust open my knuckles probably again.
I just hope, if your reading this, don't get upset or whatever, I don't need sympathy, I just want a family, and someone to talk to.
Thank you for reading this.
If you can help, by any past advice, or anything to help me find myself again, please do help!!
I hope for the best, and thank you again.
