Marriage usually starts out wonderfully. Falling in love drives you to legally recognize your relationship and the union of two people begins.

It starts with an attraction toward someone. The attraction will develop into infatuation. As your feeling gets stronger you will experience sexual attraction.

He makes you feel happy when you are with him and you want to hold on to that bliss.

At this time you will want more and more of him. Your focus is on his personality and his physique. You want to grab and keep him.

You believe that he is able to fulfill your needs consistently and successfully. And you think that you have found the right man.

He becomes your obsession and an addiction. You are in love and the romance is making you feel like a whole person.

During this "brand new" period of marriage you love and accept your partner for what he is. There is love, support, excitement and mutual growth.

And the union is successful when both continue to feel love toward each other.

As time goes by you begin not to accept some of his qualities, behaviors and actions. You will feel frustrated when he does not want to do something that you enjoy.

You may submit and allow your partner to dominate the marriage. When submission or dominance is accepted in a relationship, anxiety enters. You will begin to feel trapped and dissatisfied.

Your resistance toward your partner will build up and become out of control. You may end up in separation or divorce.

Your partner may use guilt and threat to make you stay. And you stay married out of fear of the unknown.

Or the psychological dependence toward your partner makes you think that this is the only way.

Each one of you may then seek new outlets to channel your resentment and anger. You may look for outside companionship or have extramarital affairs.

What started out wonderfully has changed its form. What follows are separate ways, separate bedrooms and no communication. It has turned into a sexless marriage.

Tips to keep the love and romance alive in your marriage.

• Look for what you can love and appreciate in your partner.

When you first fall in love you only see the good in your partner. You were not selfish.

To keep your love alive, accept him for what he is just like when you were infatuated. Love him for what he is instead of looking at your needs.

Don't over react to his negative behavior and weaknesses. Learn to forgive and get rid of grudges. Allow your partner the freedom to be the way he is completely and unconditionally.

• Communicate your values to your partner.

Conflicts in values will sabotage your marriage. Initiate to communicate your values to your spouse. Each of you must know each other's rules in your relationship.

Let him know how you want to function in your marriage. It is important to know what both of you are committed to doing or not doing.

• Let go of psychological dependency and expecting approval.

This relationship succeeds when each one is interdependent and self-confident. You must take responsibility for yourself.

Avoid making your partner the source of your happiness. You are moments away from depression if you depend on your partners words and actions to live your life.

• Remove your fears.

Fear holds you back from committing, intimacy and being hurt. Fear of conflict, self blaming and inability to express your anger is due to low self esteem. It gives you a feeling of insecurity.

Remove self-pity and think assertively. Conquer your fear. Your fear may come true but there is no point on dwelling on it.

Whatever the outcome you will grow and learn from it.

• Enhance your self-esteem.

With low self esteem you may seek approval in exaggeration from your partner. You will become submissive and depends too much on your partner's approval.

Low self esteem will block you from showing your intimacy because you fear being judged. Jealousy will increase as self-esteem diminishes.

Having high self esteem will help you avoid the feeling of inadequacy, anger and abandonment when romance has run its course.

• Avoid trying to be right.

When you try to be right you are trying to have control. Your marriage will suffer. You will hurt yourself and others along the way. A constricting and demanding relationship will not survive for long.

Focus instead on what needs improvement and work on it. Discover yourself and loose yourself in a vision to make your relationship works.

Build and strengthen your relationship with yourself. Think about how you can improve. Develop self-love.

• Ask for what you want but don't demand.

Know your feelings first. Be honest with what you want. Your partner cannot read your mind. Ask for what you want without using threats and playing with your emotions.

Make your request known specifically and directly. Let him know of how you feel when you do something out of a sense of obligation.

Learn to say "No" to something you don't want to do or give. Obligation can cause problems in your relationship.

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