About Marriage

Marriage is the legal union of two people and usually starts out wonderfully. It begins with an attraction toward someone. It further develops into infatuation. As the feeling gets stronger, you fall in love and experience sexual attraction.

The romance makes you feel like a whole person. He makes you happy. You believe that he is able to fulfill your needs consistently. And you are certain that you have found the right man to become your husband and soul mate. You agree to marry him and both of you make a vow that only till death will you part.

During this "brand new" period of matrimonial you love and accept your partner for what he is. There is love, support, excitement and mutual growth. However, as time goes by either you or your spouse begins to see some of the qualities, behaviors and actions that either one disagrees.

Or you might be the type who submit and allow your partner to dominate the relationship. Later on you may begin to feel trapped and dissatisfied. You'll start to resist and rebel or even think of separation or filing for a divorce.

If you are too dependent on your spouse you might stay married. Or for the sake of the kids, you remain attached. You can't imagine yourself being single again. The thought of living without a spouse is too scary.

To compensate for the loveless marriage, either one of you or both may seek new outlets to channel the resentment and anger. You may look for outside companionship, have extramarital affair or just exist in the wedlock.

What started as a marital bliss has now changed its form. What follows are separate ways, separate bedrooms and very little communication. It may turn into a sexless union of a husband and a wife.

When you first fell in love you only see the good in your partner. You were not selfish. To keep your love alive, accept him for what he is just like when you were infatuated. Love him for what he is instead of thinking only of your needs.

Don't over react to his negative behavior and weaknesses. Learn to forgive and get rid of grudges. Allow your partner the freedom to be the way he is completely and unconditionally.

Talk and listen but avoid nagging. Never let a day pass without discussing and communicating. Share your problems with him and tell him yours. Talk about dreams, goals and love. Don't bring your anger to the next day. Resolve it or forget about it.

Conflicts in values will sabotage your marriage. Initiate to communicate your values to your spouse. Each of you must know each other's rules in your relationship. Identify each other's function as a husband and wife. It is important to know what both of you are committed to doing or not doing.

Any relationship succeeds when there is interdependence. You must take responsibility for yourself. Avoid making your partner the source of your happiness. You are moments away from depression if you depend on your partner's words and actions to live your life.

When you try to be right you are trying to have control. Your marriage will suffer. You will hurt yourself and your husband. A demanding relationship will not survive for long. Focus instead on what needs improvement and work on it. The best thing to do is work on you.

Know your feelings. Be honest with what you want. Your partner cannot read your mind. Ask for what you want without using threats and manipulations. Make your request.

Let him know of how you feel when you do something out of a sense of obligation. Learn to say "No" to something you don't want to do or give. Obligation can cause problems in your relationship.

Trust is an important component. Trust that he loves you and is honest. Don't snoop or spy on him. Avoid feeling doubtful and jealous. When you behave this way, your spouse will feel suffocated. And it shows that you have low self esteem.

Have self respect and your spouse will treat you right. Listen when he's talking and he will do the same. Don't embarrass him or criticize him in the presence of others and he won't do it to you. If he does, tell him that you don't like it.

Though you are married, live together and share almost everything, allow for personal space for each one at home and outside. You should have your own group of friends that you don't have to share with him and allow him to do the same.

If you are facing a serious marriage problem, seek professional help before deciding to separate or file for a divorce. If there is domestic violence or abuse, don't keep it to yourself and suffer in silence. Get help.

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