"First learn to love yourself, and then you can love me". - Saint Bernard of Clairvaux

What is love? Everyone has heard of it and said it countless times. But what is the actual meaning?

MSN Encarta defines it is as a very strong affection. An intense feeling of tender affection and compassion.

The word carries several meanings and creates positive intense emotions. When you talk about it you would usually associate it with something.

Most adults associate it with images of romance, sex, pleasures, lust and ecstasy.

This particularly strong, thrilling and passionate experience impacts the quality of your life.

You feel alive. The exhilaration affects your character, values and beliefs.

So in your pursuit to acquire the experience, you look outside. You feel that something is amiss and you search for that missing piece. You look for the person and not his qualities.

Unlike your attachment toward your family and friends, the passion in romance and courtship opens you up. It solves your pain, fears, loneliness and alienation.

If it is associated with the positive, why does relationships fall apart?

This is because you have not learned to love yourself.

Your relationship was based on your needs to have someone take care of you. Someone whom you thought would give you security and keep you company.

When you realize that he does not meet your expectations, the sparkle fades away. You feel let down, disappointed and hurt.

Sooner or later you will fall out of it. And if you choose to hold on to the relationship, stress and upsets enter your life.

Everything changes in its form. And even people, who are deeply involved over a period of time, reach a point when there is less and less interaction.

This is the time when you will go through another messy emotional affair.

The loss of an object you adore causes unhappiness and suffering. Self-doubt will creep in and you wonder whether you are lovable.

What then?

You have to accept that romance is only a temporary escape. The true feeling is wholesome and healthy.

Probably it's about time for you to realize that what you are seeking does not come from outside.

When you love yourself first, it promotes your personal growth.

When you are self loving, you will refuse to allow anger, self-doubt and fear to interfere. When you know how to enjoy your own company, you will enjoy the company or others.

You will discover yourself in the other person. You may recognize that what you dislike in your partner is what you are denying in yourself.

Being in a relationship requires patience and persistence. You have to devote the time to listen, to empathize and to appreciate.

What you receive is in proportion to your ability to give.

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