by Christine Sharland
(Devon England)
I was raised by my eldest sister for whom nothing I did was ever right. From how I dressed, to who my friends were, and even how much I did or did not eat!
If I ate too much I was Greedy and if I ate too little I was Pathetic! Little wonder I had weight issues later on.
I then married quite a controlling man. For whom success and perfectionism came first.
And sadly neither of these important role models loved me for who I was; but only who they wanted me to be. I have to say that I rarely felt "unconditional love."
In the last ten years of being divorced (yes he left me for a younger model!!!) I have struggled to accept who I really am and value myself for who I am rather than who I have been taught or expected to be.
Sometimes self-respect has been difficult because I often still value myself from a very old mind set. I still attend counseling to help me reaffirm that my own morals and beliefs are more important to those that others have installed in me.
As this articles says; you do need to truly look into your soul and find what who really are. If you really listen to your feelings closely, you will find out. You can feel it in your gut and hear it in your heart if you listen hard enough!
Your own feelings and thoughts need this attention and it takes a lot of practice because when people have told you how to feel and act for so long and tied you in so many emotional knots it can take a while to undo it all.
What I have learned (and am still learning; even at 51) is to not beat yourself up for thinking differently to others This is who you are!
Don't ever apologize for being YOU...its so very very destructive. And I do think that my ongoing Depression was a very big part of this.
I think I will be learning for the rest of my life And that's OK.
This is of course my own experience and thoughts.
Love yourself please
Chrissie