Kids Jokes

Some kids jokes and funny things that children say.

It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3-year old daughter, Katelyn. Heidi started to go into labor and called 911. Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic was able to respond to the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked the wide-eyed 3 year old Katelyn what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again."

Advice from kids.

Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10

Never tell your Mom her diet's not working.- Michael, age 14

When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. - Taylia, age 11

Questions and answers.

Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.

George: Here it is!

Teacher: Correct.

Teacher: Now, class, who discovered America?

Class: George!

A kid's view on relationship.

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

A kid's view on marriage.

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6

How kids end proverbs and quotes.

You can lead a horse to water but...how?

Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty.

You can't teach an old dog new...math.

The pen is mightier than the...pigs.

A penny saved is...not much.

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