Jokes on oldage

Jokes on oldage and humor about aging

Taking mother to nursing home.

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her as planned, hoping she will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.

This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let me fart."

Signs you're getting old?

1. Forgetting names.
2. Forgetting faces.
3. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
4. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
5. When happy hour is a nap.
6. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
7. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
8. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

A bowl of peanuts.

A preacher visits an elderly woman for his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few" he asks. "Not at all" the woman replied. They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. "I'm totally sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really meant to eat few." "Oh that's all right," the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."

Three old ladies.

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.

The second lady chimed in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I am on my way up or on my way down.

The third one responded, Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood. She rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

Memory test.

3 old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replys the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday". - Eric K

Granny checks in hotel.

Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him. "Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid good money, and this room won't do at all! It's too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there's not even a bed!" The bellhop looks at her and says, "Ma'am, this isn't your room, It's the elevator!" - MPG

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