The symptoms of jealousy and how to overcome it.

One of the problems couples face in intimate relationship is jealousy. It is a bitter, lonely and agonizing emotion.

The main cause of it is low self-esteem and a feeling of insecurity. This affects the self-image.

Having been betrayed in previous relationship that caused so much agony could also create jealousy. Trust, which is vital for a marriage to survive, is absent and is filled instead with suspicion.

Slight feeling of uncertainty happens and is normal but insane possessiveness is destructive to any relationship. It affects the quality of life and your performance. When this emotion gets out of control, people will even kill and destroy.

What are the signs of jealousy?

• Starting to lurk on your partner's movements.

• Checking his activities too often.

• Spying on his telephone calls, messages and e-mails.

• Going through his personal belongings.

• Suspicious each time you assume he is giving attention to someone of the opposite sex.

• Feeling insecure even when he speaks of someone who both of you do not know personally or when he looks at someone who happens to pass by.

• Consistent fear of losing your partner.

What can you do to overcome jealousy?

• Examining the triggers and the reasons.

Do you feel jealous toward any woman who approaches your partner or only a selected few? Does the feeling come when you think he is giving a lot of attention to someone?

Or do you get uptight over a casual greeting? Do you get upset even when he mentions someone who does not even warrant any feeling?

Your answers to the questions will provide you with the reasons. If it is unreasonable, then you need to work on you.

• Improve your self-image.

How are you seeing yourself? Do you picture a person who is imperfect and unattractive? Do you see that other people are better looking than you?

That picture must change. If you do not love your body, who would?

With modern technology, fitness centers and products available, you can change the way you look. A change in your wardrobe would help too.

But the most important thing to do is to change that image in your mind. Not the one you see in the mirror.

• Building a high level of self-esteem.

As long as you feel unworthy, inadequate and incomplete, you will continue to suffer from insecurity.

You must acknowledge your own self-worth and believe in your strengths and abilities.

You need to overcome your inferiority by challenging your past hurts, disappointments, and feeling of abandonment.

You can rebuild it one day at a time by taking one action and then another. Affirmations and positive imaginations are tools you can use. Focusing on your goal and materializing it will give you the confidence and boost your esteem.

• Educating and controlling your emotions.

First of all is your suspicion or jealousy justified? Give yourself time to really think through and assess carefully whether your partner really was unfaithful. If he is, you have to know how to approach the issue to avoid irrational confrontation.

It takes courage and calmness to control the anger and hurt that is building up within. You must not allow your emotions to rule and get out of hand or you will lose your sense of self.

Before you confront, take time to understand how you really feel and go through the motions of achieving calmness by going through a few breathing exercise. Act as though you are confident and in control of the situation.

While you are involved in a relationship, enjoy and value it. There is a possibility that your partner is cheating on you. But what if he is as faithful as you are and want as much to see that the marriage works.

Refuse to allow your fears and insecurities to ruin it. When you have high regards on your own worth, you can handle the situation if it happens.

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