Funnies

The secret to wealth.

At the insistent of a reporter, a wealthy man finally decided to reveal the secret of his success.

"I first become rich selling homing pigeons," he explained.

"Really?" replied the amazed reporter. "How many did you start with?"

"Only one," the millionaire answered, "but he kept coming back."

Source - Reader's Digest 1986

Husband's ashes

An insurance agent talking to a prospective client at her home pointed to an exquisite vase on the mantel.

"Do you keep anything in it?" he asked.

"Yes, my husband's ashes."

"I'm so sorry," apologized the agent. "I didn't know he was deceased."

"He isn't. He's just too lazy to hunt for an ashtray."

Source - Reader's Digest 1990

Bedtime stories.

A young mother had reached the end of her collection of fairy tales, and still her six-year-old kept asking for just one more. In exasperation, the mother rattled off yet another fable.

"There was this house," she began, "with three bedrooms, a good location and low taxes-all for twenty thousand dollars..."

Source - Reader's Digest 1984

The photogenic smile.

A photographer read and article suggesting that instead of being asked to say "cheese" to create a photogenic smile, a woman should be asked to say "sex" because then you get the smile and a twinkle.

He decided to try it. He took his camera outside where his wife was raking leaves, focused, and when she looked up sad, "Say sex."

"Please, not now," she responded. "I've got a headache."

Beliefs.

One woman in our tour group was a strict vegetarian. When she talked about her cat, though, she admitted that she fed her pampered cat expensive canned meats.

"Why is it all right for your cat to eat meat if it isn't for you?" I finally asked her.

"My cat and I don't have the same beliefs," she replied.

Source - Reader's Digest 1986

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