Forgive to Forget
When you forgive someone who has done you wrong and hurt you, you are closing the chapter of your past. It shows that you have stopped all the blame and let your resentment go.
Some people don't want to pardon someone who has offended them because they do not want to let go so easily. It gives them a sense of power or dominance by making the other person feels guilty.
But that's not how it works. If you keep the bitterness within or speak about it over and over, you are the one who suffers the pain. The more you think or talk about it, the more you emotionalize it.
"I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one." - Henry Ward Beecher
The Positive Effects of Forgiveness
- Eliminate or reduce hurt.
- Change in focus of attention.
- Improve health and well being.
- Open the heart to feel love, warmth and understanding.
- Set you free from grudges and ill feelings.
How to Forgive
Self forgiveness
The first thing to do to enable you to pardon people who have done you wrong or hurt you, is to do it to yourself first. The mistakes, errors and negligence that you did were because you were once ignorant, selfish and immature. You were unaware of the repercussions of your actions.
Forgiving yourself frees your mind from self hate and self destructive habits and attitudes. It gives you peace of mind. It's like a burden has been lifted from your shoulders and it'll make you feel that you can now move on and start fresh.
Write a letter
If you haven't forgiven the person who has hurt, abused or traumatized you, write a letter to him. Pour out your fury and cry it out. After the letter is done, burn it.
Love yourself
Self love is a feeling of self respect and pride. With a sufficient amount of pride, you prevent yourself from allowing others to have control over your emotions and thoughts. When you love yourself, by the law of attraction, people will love you. People who care about you won't hurt you.
But if you do get hurt or angry, it's because you allow yourself to feel offended. You reacted because you do not feel worthy. If you perceive that someone is treating you unfairly, walk away from him and disassociate from further interaction. Let him off even if he does not apologize.
Maintain your spiritual, mental and emotional strength
There are people out there who gain pleasures from hurting others and hurling abuses. Refuse to allow them to break your spirit. Stay strong inside and face the challenges. Keep in mind that regardless of what they do, your goodness is never lost. Pardon them for their ignorance and tell yourself that they are only revealing what exist inside their hearts and souls.
Apologize
You must also learn to apologize to those whom you have faulted, caused pain and anguish. Admit your mistakes by saying sorry. Do it genuinely and sincerely. Promise yourself that you will not repeat your mistakes.
Look for the good in people
One of the reasons that you are unforgiving and holding on to grudges is because you focus on the negatives. Always think and look for the good in people and situations. By doing that you can't feel angry at the same time.
People fail to see the good in others but you can make a choice to think and see differently. Love others unconditionally. Love people for just being themselves and for being there to teach you lessons about life.
Forget the past and focus on your future
Perpetuating on the object of your anger will make you think negative thoughts and cause immense stress. Shake off and forget the past so that you can move on. By focusing on your personal growth and expecting a better life ahead, you'll forget your hostility and bitterness.
Do it immediately
If you need to apologize or pardon someone, today is the day. Don't wait for the right time because you may not live long enough. Life is short. The sooner you do it, the better you will feel about yourself.
Get help
If you have gone through an intense trauma and can't let your anger, hurt and humiliation go and that it is affecting your personality and performance, you may need to seek help. If you are spiritual, ask help from God. Otherwise, seek professional help.
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