"Ask for what you want but don't demand it." - Ken Keyes

Imagine how you would feel and respond if others demand from you, not once in a while, but most of the time. Relationships fall apart if ultimatums and badgering are the orders of the day.

The next time you feel the need to command someone to get what you want, pause and think if your approach is effective in enhancing your relationship. Consider also if it fulfills the other person's needs and conforms to his values and rules.

How to avoid from making demands in your relationship.

• Don't treat others the way you don't want to be treated.

Isn't it true that you wouldn't want others to plan, shape your life and tell you what you should or shouldn't do? And don't you get irritated if he interrupts your plans and makes you stop doing things that you love and are in your best interest?

Your insistence in getting things done your way will affect the way he performs and behaves toward you. You will then have to bear the consequences of having to argue over the smallest things and getting hurt along the way.

• Get in touch with your emotions.

What are you actually trying to accomplish by making demands? What do your really want?

Do you need the attention or acceptance? Do you desire to have control? Or are you silently hoping to feel secure?

Learn about yourself and your feelings. Look inside your head and your heart. Ask yourself questions to find the answers.

• Communicate.

Listen to what the other person is saying. Read between the lines. Observe and pay attention.

Voice out your opinions, speak your thoughts and ask for what you want using the right language. Words are powerful and how you use them affect the response you get.

To make your relationship work, you should not order but instead communicate, resolve issues and gain understanding.

• Be the change.

Why spend your time forcing others to accommodate to your rules? If you must demand, insist it upon yourself. Direct yourself to be the change and to act differently. Regardless of how you think others are treating you, you are responsible for your own happiness and accountable for your own personal growth.

Stand out and become the person who is influential instead of someone who manipulates to get her way. Attract others to your way of thinking and get better results through the right approach.

Return to top of demand page.