Dealing with Difficult People

Dealing with difficult people can drain your energy and test your patience. Except in certain situations like when you are dealing with a difficult customer or a difficult boss, you will find it hard to contain your emotions and control your reaction.

If the difficult person is your boss, you can't avoid him because as an employee you must take instructions and execute. It goes the same with a coworker because as part of a team you are expected to cooperate and collaborate. If you are a superior, it's your responsibility to supervise, guide and train your staff and get results. So how can you communicate, get along, work and cope with a difficult person?

Understanding human behavior or why some people are stubborn, spiteful and mean may help you in dealing with difficult people.

1. Everyone including you have different personalities, character traits and a conditioned response in handling things, issues and people. Whenever something or someone triggers your emotions, you will act and feel in a certain way because you have learned that it is the only way to get what you want. This applies to everyone else.
   
   
   
2. Everyone's personal values and rules differ. You might think that being aggressive is very important to get the job done while the person you are dealing with feels the opposite. He then concludes that you are a difficult person to work with and you feel the same about him. The actual reason is a difference in attitude, beliefs or outlook.
   
   
   
3. Some people have unresolved emotional issues. They may associate a superior as an intimidating person because of some negative childhood memories. So they are aloof and unresponsive for fear that they might get into trouble if they speak up. Some people are confrontational, cynical, manipulative and indecisive. Unless they remove their emotional blocks, they are going to react the same way each time.
   
   
   
4. Sibling rivalry during childhood may result in the inability to work as a team or sabotaging team efforts. Having gone through any kind of abuse could have caused them to become difficult people to deal with as adults.

If you take the effort to observe and pay attention to people's behavior and yours, you will notice the diversity and complexity. And perhaps you will then understand, become more forgiving and learn how to deal with difficult people instead of judging, condemning or justifying your actions.

Types of Difficult People

Management experts have given labels, categorized and named the types of difficult people at the workplace. This additional knowledge may assist you in dealing with difficult people either at work or in your personal life.

1. Those who bully, intimidate and abuse their power to get what they want are termed as Sherman tank or hostile aggressive.
   
   
   
2. The ones who gripe or whine incessantly and oppose to everything but don't contribute or take action are called whiners or complainers.
   
   
   
3. The silent or unresponsive or the nothing person will only respond with a yes, no or a grunt. You'll get nothing else from them.
   
   
   
4. The super agreeable are those who say yes to everything but don't take action or they procrastinate. They are great followers but are unreliable.
   
   
   
5. The negativist says no and opposes to any new idea or suggestion.
   
   
   
6. And there is the Mr. know it all and little Miss know it all. They seem to know everything about everything or assume that they do. They enjoy putting you down and make you feel worthless. They don't like you to contradict, question or correct them.
   
   
   
7. Another difficult personality to deal with is called the grenade. This type of difficult person may suddenly show an outburst which may have nothing to do with the current situation.

Here are tips for dealing with difficult people. What you decide to do will depend on the situation and the relationship you have with the person you are dealing with. Use your discretion. Even if you don't get the result that you expect, you'll learn something and will become more proficient in dealing with difficult people the next time.

Get to Know Yourself

You can't change people. They must want to change themselves. And you shouldn't expect them to conform to your way of thinking or doing things. Try to remind yourself that people's action and reaction are based on their own motives and intentions. You don't have to take things personally when dealing with difficult people.

But you can work on you. You can change the want you react and respond. Get to know your own motives and the reasons why you do what you do. What are you trying to achieve? Is it the best way or the only way?

Delay Your Emotional Response

Whether you feel like jumping, confronting or snubbing, pause for a moment, take a few deep breaths and calm down. Then respond in an opposite manner instead of how you have always reacted. When you do this, you are able to change your focus and at the same time giving your mind a different instruction and a new way to respond to a stimuli.

Another great thing will ensue. You will surprise the person you are dealing with and your action will also confuse him and change his focus. It will enable you to interrupt what was going on. If you act this way or in a similar positive manner a few more times or whenever the situation arises, people will change their perception about you and their behavior towards you will also change.

Listen More

If you want to improve your skill in dealing with difficult people, listen attentively. Misunderstanding and miscommunication happen because many people don't really listen.

Pay attention to the one who is speaking to you even if he gets on your nerves. Don't interrupt or complete his sentences. Let him finish speaking. By giving your attention, he may soften and accept your views.

Talk it Over

When you confront aggressive people, they will usually fight back. Fighting will develop animosity. Walking away is always a good thing to do. But once everything is cooled down, dare yourself to sit down and communicate, even if he is the boss. Ask him why he acted the way he did.

When he has finished talking and justifying his motive, talk about how you felt. If you don't talk it over, you may have to go through the same episode again and will feel very frustrated.

Ignore and Move On

When all your attempts don't seem to work and you still can't get along, the last thing to do is to ignore him. He is the one who is having an issue. You can't change him, so leave him alone. If the difficult person is your boss, consider asking for a transfer to another department or changing your job.

Additional Resource

People Smart - Dealing with Difficult People and Stressful Situations

Related Articles

Active Listening

Improving Emotional Intelligence

Dealing with Negative People

Relationship Advice

Dealing with Difficult People to Personal Growth Home