Do you know that the behavior you portray in front of others is not necessarily your true self? It is something that you do to adapt to a situation, fit in, to please others, to gain something or out of fear. Haven't you noticed that you conduct yourself differently in the presence of your boss, a friend, a person you just met and your spouse?
Under normal circumstances, you'll act based on what you think people expect out of you or how you want others to perceive your character. The good thing about behaving in this manner is that it shows you can adjust and control yourself in a social situation even if your true conduct is bad. You may not like a person or being present at an event but because of obligation, you put on a false front.
Unless you are a person with a good character, have the right attitude and fine habits, it's sometimes better to put up an act although you are not being yourself. Can you imagine how other people would feel at the workplace or at home if you are narcissistic, controlling and aggressive? These demeanor show that you have an underlying fear and the need to have control and to feel superior.
But instead of putting an act and not being you, the best thing to do is to change or modify your behavior. You can only fake it and pretend for a certain amount of time. People will eventually notice your attitude and temperaments. The people nearest to you whom you have taken for granted are usually the first few to recognize who you really are.
"Our thinking and our behavior are always in anticipation of a response. It is therefore fear-based." - Deepak Chopra
What it is that you know for sure that you must change? Why do you want to change? Are you losing friends? Are you hurting yourself or the people you love? Are you jeopardizing your career?
How have you been seeing yourself? How do you choose to behave to replace your old self? Do you want to become more confident and assertive? Create an image in your mind of the person you want to become and believe that you will turn out the way you imagine. Visualize it daily and imprint it on your mind until you make the change.
You behave in a certain way only at certain times. Find out what have caused you to react in that manner each time. Are those things something that reminded you of your past? If it is remind yourself that the past is over and you don't have to replay them on your mind. If you keep seeing them, you are going to behave the same way.
In order to remove your fears, you must recognize them. Why do want to have control? Are you feeling inferior? Are you afraid that people will think that you aren't good enough? What made you believe that whatever you fear is true? Was it something that happened during your childhood? Question and challenge your old beliefs until you find the answer.
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