"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval." - Mark Twain

When you were a child, it was normal to obtain approval and validation for your behavior and actions. Without the go-ahead and OK from your parents or the elders, you felt lost. You were told what was right or wrong for you.

Of course you believed the "authoritative adults". You needed consent and support. You could not function without them. You wanted to feel loved, accepted and worthy.

Some grown-ups brought along this pattern of neediness for approval into their adulthood. They are children living in adults' body.

They worry too much about what their peers, parents, children, friends, superiors, and co-workers think of their actions, choices and manners. They are unable to make their own decisions in life because they still crave for the attention, love and approval.

They hinder their own personal growths and are unable to go far because they require other people's permission to act and decide for them. But other people are usually more interested in themselves and put their needs ahead.

How do you turn around and approve your own choices in life?

• Look and listen inward. Interrupt those thought patterns.

You can challenge whatever understandings and beliefs that you have been conditioned since childhood. You have created your reality based on the memories and habitual patterns of thinking and perceiving. Stop repeating the images of guilt, shame and disapproval in your head. Start looking at them face to face and question yourself and your motives.

Listen to those voices inside your head. They are voices of your past. They are still there because you are still re-playing the "words" that were said then. Some of these people may no longer exist but their words linger on and still make you feel rejected and unloved. How do you get rid of them? By focusing your efforts to cancel the old and negative and replacing them with positive and uplifting affirmations.

• Learn to make your own decisions.

Is it really important that other people have to agree with your choices and decisions? Can't you function without them? Ask for opinions and assistance if you lack the knowledge or skill but make your own decisions.

In order to make good decisions, you need to practice making lots of them. You may make the wrong ones, but hey, the more decisions you make, the better and faster will you learn on what work and what you should not repeat. You will inevitably improve your confidence and worthiness and your insecurities will wane.

• Accept, believe and trust yourself.

You need to believe and trust yourself and your judgments. Accept yourself for your idiosyncrasies and how or what have become of you. So what if you have made mistakes before. Who doesn't? Mistakes don't make you a failure or a reject. If you do feel such a way, it's because you want to think that way.

Fears and the dire need for acceptance are common weaknesses. But you have to overcome them if you value your own worth. You need sufficient self-esteem. You need to feel good about yourself before you can attract approval, love and validation from others. You will get the praise and applause when they are due. It's the law of life.

Return to top of approval page.